It's... Sniff... Over

Congratulations, Dustin, on that late week surge that propelled you from 3rd to 1st and snatched victory from Brandon'd and my grasping fingers. It was one of those finishes that, if these were real teams with real fans, we would be telling our children about it: "I remember way back in ought-eight, 'Double D', as we liked to call him, 'The Nattiest Knickerbocker in NPR', went undefeated in the last three weeks of play, including a remarkable 2 wins in one game!"

Alas, the only lasting memory of this great and glorious season will be your free t-shirt. Kirk, does anyone make an "inverted Lions" t-shirt? They should. I mean, shit... Dustin's earned it. Maybe we can enlist Brian to help....

It's a wrap.

IN some things, close is good enough. 

THIS was a winner-take-all contest from the start, with few holds barred. 

Only now, does a winner emerge from the misty, foggy, shroud. And out comes but not one man as you might be inclined to think, no, a determination of collective will power cometh unto a focused NFL-NCAA imagery bottled into one featured Hero of football history. Here, now--2008, and Forever the 1st Annual Inagurual Winner of the Coleman Football League Combo Cup (and author of the soon to be released "How to win at trivial internet football leagues: An Instruction Guide"), and thus with hardly any further adieu, introducing the one and only: D-Man. 

Taking the Lead for the First Time!!

How did he sneak in at this late stage?

Perhaps it was because some teams can't score more than one lame-ass field goal (Jets & Eagles). Or is it because some teams can't win at all (Detroit/inverted)? Or, maybe it was because the Vikings fumbled the ball 400 hundred times today. And then the team that could hardly win a single game last year is now an ultra turn around phenom--> the Dolphish. (What is it with Florida teams... didn't the TB Rays go from worst to first?)

And Billy took it hard, going 0-3 this week.

However, going 10-1 recently for the D-man, I guess sums it up. Better to be good late, than early.


Many bowl games to go could break it wide open for anyone though.

Still too close to call... back to you Bob.

Thanks Joe. Well, we have Blues News next. Check this story.

And now for extreme Sports.

For the latest in NFL rankings, please log onto http://colemanpigskin.blogspot.com/

Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow!

More Bad Excuses for Links, This Time with More Poo!

Looks like we're still neck-and-neck at the top of the standings! Effing Niners. I just may have the worst record against Sage in the league. Of course, being neck-and-neck in the standings is much better than being close in other situations. Insert potty humor here, and marvel at how shameless that secgue really was.

That's all I've got, actually. Well, that and a picture of two hot chicks and a douchebag.

So THATS Where I Left It!

I was wondering where I left my 27 ounces!

And finally the truth is told! (warning, not for the religiously faint of humor)

But, back to China...

It's Nose and Nose Down the Stretch!!

Judging by strength of schedule, or lack thereof, Sean looks awfully well set.
Brandon though, could win out, just as well.

Billy (a.k.a. Will the Thrill) has it rough, and may need some luck (oh man, Cowboys play his Steelers, thus invalidating the week with a gauranteed Win and Loss).

Dustin has the uppermost of uphill battles the way I see it, but he is the only one with a remaining college game that should garner a dub-ya.

Besides the rest of the pro schedule, there is still the remaining +1 college game (last game played).
And if that doesn't settle it, I guess we will just have to have an NFL playoff type of format (redrawing teams of course).


Speaking of college, two teams got jipped by our late start: Cal Poly and Georgia.

As for Cal Poly, who cares.

In regards to UG, I think it's only fair to award them a win. After all, they had two games (both decisive wins) completed already when our season began. Whereas most, only had one under their belt. Not his fault.

Each week I will now post regularly, for latest in up to the minute, breaking news. I will not though, cover accidentally-self-inflicted-up-in-da-club-gunshot-wounds-to-the-upper-thigh-bone breaking news. Just so you know.

Who's Lawyer is Bigger...

...Snoop Dogg's or Martha Stewart's?

I'm not sure either, but both are well-proven wage earners. And the video link I posted below was yanked.

Oh well. I'm sure you can imagine what musta looked like.

Cookin' Duo I'd Never Believe Unless Seen

You'll never guess what Snoop's secret ingredient is.

**UPDATE to the UPDATE**

All trades are hereby complete.

Also, I highly recommend this book.

From the Onion to Political Advocacy, via Gratuitous Pictures of a Scantily-Clad Woman

The team none of us picked has a secret weapon, but even that was no match for the team named after one of the gangs in Westside Story. My guess is that Brett Favre had to do David Lee R... er, Dr. Rockzo-levels of coke to overcome that weapon. If you've never seen Metalocalypse on Adult Swim, that one will fly right by you. Unless, that is, you watch this video that I can't figure out how to embed. In its place, here are two pictures of Kate Moss, the Dr. Rockzo of the supermodel world:

Hyper-Favre's performance almost makes up for the Mormons losing to the... er... other, better Mormons. Just for that, I'm signing this petition.

Update *trades included*

The board has made a decision on how the college schedule will work. We will call it a 10+1 format. 10 regular season games will count, plus one bowl game or playoff (this is your shout-out, Mt. Bunyon).

As well, the board has made another decision: The Eagles can suck my butt.

Yes He Can

Just in case you guys missed it, our President-elect has pledged to "throw his weight around" to help fix the BCS:

"If you've got a bunch of teams who play throughout the season, and many of them have one loss or two losses, there's no clear decisive winner. We should be creating a playoff system," he tells CBS' Steve Kroft in an interview to be broadcast Sunday.

According to Obama's proposed system, eight teams would play over three rounds to settle the national champion.

"It would add three extra weeks to the season," he said at the conclusion of a wide-ranging interview. "You could trim back on the regular season. I don't know any serious fan of college football who has disagreed with me on this. So, I'm going to throw my weight around a little bit. I think it's the right thing to do."

How is this not a good idea? Why has it taken so long to get here? Must be the fault of the liberal media.

For the record, reforming the BCS was my number one concern this election season, right after "which candidate has the most obscure ties to terrorists and anti-Americans in his past." Hence, I supported Obama. Because I'm all about the major issues of the day. Of course if I'd known he was going to slam Nancy Reagan in his first press conference I might have voted differently, despite his apology.

They're Grrrrreat!

In the spirit of the post below, here's how each of us is doing against the Bungles this year:

Sean: 2-0

Billy: 2-0

Brandon: 1-0

Dustin: 1-0

Sage: 0-0

Kirk: 0-0-1

(Another view of the above pic here.)

Kirk's Halvsies

So, what do we do about the Kirk's team this week? Does he get half a point? No points, because his team didn't win? A full point, because his team didn't lose? A full point, because it's not like Kirk's running away with this thing anyway? No points, because his team tied with the freaking Bengals of all teams? God, at least have the decency to split the difference with a team that could definitely compete in NCAA Division 1! This is a conundrum. A quandary. A dilemma. A... difficult thing to figure out.

My vote is for the half point. That way, Kirk's record will show that there was something weird going on. Then, when future researchers look into it, they'll find that one of the teams he picked tied to a team that ended the season 1-14-1. Then they will laugh at him, though he be long gone from this world. And in that moment, future and past will be united, their laughter joining mine. And possibly the rest of ours, Kirk's included.

I mean, who the hell can't beat the Bengals? Certainly none of the teams the rest of us picked! (If that statement jinxed Billy's Steelers and/or Brandon's and Dustin's Colts, so much the better. None of my teams are facing the Bengals later this season, and I am all about bringing the kismet.)

Annoying Personal Update, or, Another Bad Excuse to Link to Something Mildly Amusing

By the way, where in the world are you Carmen Sean Diego?

So glad you asked! At this moment in time, I personally am in Portland, where I just moved into my new apartment. I shouldn't of been here so long, but it's been a fairly unique time for me; looking 24/7 for an apartment was the plan, but then Halloween and Election parties got in the way. It's a nightmare trying to find a place to live in PDX that is both centrally-located and affordable. It's not rocket science, of course, but with all due respect, there's absolutely no reason to move to Portland if you're just going to hang out in the suburbs. At the end of the day I'm happy with how it turned out. Expect to see me in Coos Bay this weekend or early next week.

That was even irritating to write. Those Oxford Dons might literally be onto something.

Everyone is Dukin' It Out

We are all fighting each other, somehow or another this week.

Well, except for Sean. He is though up against the powerhouse can only be Otterbein. I wouldn't wish that even on my enemies. What I wonder though, is that Spanish for "good otter?" They are pretty darn cute... or is it German for an otter's leg bone?

By the way, where in the world are you Carmen Sean Diego?

From the Department of Gratuitous Pictures of Scantily-Clad Women, Part the Third

Nothing to say really, except the Cowboys really should be winning by more. I know, Romo's out and the more fashion-conscious pirate-themed team is having a very good year, even with fellow Gilroy High Alumnus Jeff Garcia warming his hands in the soft folds of the Center's inner thinghs, but the fact is, Dallas was supposed to kick total ass this year and they're just above average and in the most surprisingly good division in the sport.

And don't even get me started on that close game between the Mormoms and the representatives from Sin City. How the UNLV players aren't hung over all the time and throwing games to pay off gambling debts is beyond me. Philosophically though, I'd much rather see the guys who wear special underwear get trounced by the guys who probably don't know where they left their underwear. Goody two-shoes fricking well-oiled machine.

I'm still glad I picked them, but my inability to not sneer at them forces me to link to this.

(Incidentally, you should probably know that I picked teams I either can't stand (BYU, Dallas, Minnesota) or don't care about (Mt. Union, NYJ) so that whether they won or lost, I might have a reason to celebrate. I did this because I am a Raiders fan. Now, if this was a fantasy league in which points were given based on penalty yards assessed, coach and staff firings, turnovers and scoreless streaks, I'd be bleeding silver and black right now.)

It's Like Rain on Your Wedding Day

It's not ironic though. It's always annoyed me that Alanis Morisette couldn't manage to write a song about irony that included any irony in it, especially since the lyrics are themselves specifically supposed to illustrate irony. Did no one at any point prior to the release of that album ever pull her aside and show her the definition of ironic, and perhaps suggest she retitle the song, "Unfortunate, Perhaps Morbidly Amusing"? You wonder why I can't sleep at night, here's a partial answer for you.

Back to the thing that is only ironic in an Alanis Morisette/ignorance of the meaning of the term way: I'm not complaining or anything, but you would think that on a weekend when your opponents include the Raiders, the Rams and the Horned Frogs, you'd do better than 1 for 5.

Is Anything Predictable Anymore?

Whoa, five NFL games decided in the last seconds, the Bosox coming back from 7 runs down in the bottom of the 7th, BYU losing?!! (sorry Sean) to the Horny Toadies, ... and should I even mention Joe the Plumber...? OK, I guess I already did, so here's the link CNN hasn't seen yet.

At least we still have beer, tacos, big cushy sofas ($), and
<--- football.

Not Football-Related, but Whatever...

Google to the rescue! Either this is a new high in customer care, or another sign of impending apocalypse.

From the Department of Gratuitous Pictures of Scantily-Clad Women, Part Deux

I somehow managed to fail to relay Easterbrook's other football-hottie-related item in this week's column:

In mega-babe news, the Washington Redskins and Philadelphia Eagles seem locked in a competition to see whose cheerleaders can wear the least in warm-weather games without getting arrested. The Eagles' cheer-babes certainly made a statement at Lincoln Financial Field on Sunday. Will the Redskins' cheer-babes reply when Washington plays at home this coming Sunday?

It would be an act of betrayal if they didn't.

For the sole purpose of covering this story as completely as possible, here's a picture of an Eagles Cheerleader and a Redskins Cheerleader, wearing something other than their cheerleading uniforms:

From the Department of Gratuitous Pictures of Scantily-Clad Women

Finally the Norsemen pull a win out of their horn-hats! No losses for me this weekend! The Scandinavians' win was probably thanks to Gregg Easterbrook, who chose a Minnesotan as Cheerleader of the Week in the latest TMQ:

This week's honoree is Jenna from the Minnesota Vikings, a University of Minnesota student studying to become a pediatric nurse. A cheerleader and a nurse -- male fantasy overload. According to her team bio, Jenna's favorite perfume is Coach. Presumably she means from the Coach leather company, not perfume that would make her smell like a coach.

At Least I'm Not Last.

I am though, just barely better than mediocre.

Without Ghost Saggy's selections purposely chosen for ultimate mediocrity, last I would be.

However, for those of you happier about your W-L record, I submit the following updated results (click to enlarge):

Sarah Palin on Oregon State's Loss to Utah, a Week After Defeating USC

"Say it ain't so, Joe, there you go again pointing backwards again. You preferenced your whole comment with USC. Now doggone it, let's look ahead and tell Americans how we have to plan to play for them in the future. You mentioned defense and I'm glad you did. I know defense you are passionate about with your father being a defensive coordinator for 30 years, and god bless him. His reward is in heaven, right? I say, too, with defense, our team needs to be putting a lot more focus on that and our school has got to be really ramped up in terms of the practice that they are requiring. Linemen needed to be played more. I come from a house full of defensive coordinators. My grandpa was, my dad who is in the audience today, he's a defensive coordinator, had been for many years. My brother, who I think is the best defensive coordinator in the year, and here's a shout-out to all those Freshmen at Compton Community College, you get extra credit for watching the debate."

(Original here. All changes have been bolded.)

In Coleman news, Forrest should be arriving in Southern Arizona late tonight. We'll probably stay up all night drinking Pepsi, playing Monopoly and eating Totino's Party Pizzas.

Purple Haze

Another brilliant weekend for me. 2 wins, thanks to the Mormons having a week off, Pacman's Playas gettin' all hated on by the Cigar Store Indians, and me picking a supposedly promising but until now crappy team with Purple as its main color. Why anyone would pick the Norsemen, er, Vikings is beyond me. But I did it.

Incidentally, when I picked the teams, I considered going with an all-Purple theme, just to be random. Also, ECU was kicking ass from out of nowhere. God knows I might have benefited from having the Ravens on my side, but who would have been the third NFL team? Thankfully, purple is not a very common color in professional sports; probably because it's hard to sell bright purple t-shirts to tailgating rednecks. Honestly, I think purple is about the ugliest uniform color this side of brown, which in Cleveland's case actually works on a it's-so-bad-it's-iconically-bad level. I'm backed up in my anti-Purple views by Paul Lukas, the preeminent authority on the subject of sports uniform aesthetics. From his FAQ:

Why do you hate purple so much?
I actually think purple in nature is quite nice — eggplants, violets, plums, etc. But purple in man-made design applications has always struck me as really tacky. Like, seriously, have you ever seen a purple car? A total nightmare. Same goes for purple clothing, especially uniforms.

Don’t you realize purple is the color of royalty?
Sure, but so what? I live in America, a country whose very conception was predicated on anti-royalty sentiment. Maybe that’s why, as I like to point out, not a single U.S. state uses purple as one of its official state colors. If that doesn’t fill your heart with patriotic pride, nothing will.

Let me just note for the record that in Coos Bay sports, there's simply no getting away from bad, bad color combos.

Also, Al Davis made The Onion.

Trojans Go Soft on Beaver Turf

(Photo from here. No idea if it's copyrighted.)

HA! Get it? It's sexual innuendo!

I never even considered watching that game, figuring the Beavs would be completely screwed, but instead of the hard-pumping Trojans we've come to expect, the pride of the Dwyers petered out in a pathetically impotent display.

The littlest running back in the Pac-10 boat showed just which side was on fire, seeming almost to squirt through the flaccid USC line for a total of 186 yards. The Trojan D never seemed to be able to figure out the pandora's box that was the Beavers' game--OSU used their wiles brilliantly to outfox their opponents, who seemed to be lost in some sort of Bermuda Triangle.

USC came into the damp Corvalllis night as the cocks-of-the-walk, the Alpha Males, aiming their cannons at an opponent who just wasn't ready for the pounding they were going to receive. But in the end, the end pounded was USC's.

Perhaps next week, when they're given the choice, they should pick the blue pill.

OK, that was a bit much.

UPDATE:

OK, just to milk this for one more easy, immature and inappropriate joke, it occurs to me that we may have just seen the definitive refutation of one particular foreign policy theory:

And the CF Domination Begins...

Let me just take this moment to draw your attention to the fact that my opponents on Saturday lost by a combined total of 88-7, and it was the team with 5 losses in the last 9 years that gave up the touchdown.

Oh, and just so you guys know: the playoff series in Division III is five games long. That means that if Mt. Union goes undefeated and wins the championship game, as they very well might, that will be 15 wins for me. The Best USC can do is 13 wins.

If this goes well for me, I don't see how this game stays open to non-D1 teams next year, or how nobody else picks a D2 or D3 team next year.

The Thrill of Defeat

It's a pretty exciting Sunday so far, with Sage's Raiders blowing out Sage's Chiefs, thus handing Sage both a win and a loss. Congratulations and condolences!

As for me, my Vikings lost to Dustin and Brandon's Colts and my Jets lost to no one's Patriots. Hoping to get a win with Dallas over Kirk's Eagles tomorrow to salvage the weekend on the pro side.

In college ball yesterday, the Purple Raiders of Mount Union kicked the crap out of... what's that? They didn't play this weekend? Crap.

At least BYU destroyed UCLA this weekend. Go Mormons!

Not a good weekend so far.

An Explanation

So here's the deal: six cousins, separated by geography, time and football knowledge, have challenged each other* to a contest of less-than-epic proportions. Each has picked** five teams, three professional and two college, whose performance during the year will determine the winner.

The stakes couldn't be lower. At this point, there's been no announced prize to the victor. But pride is a mighty important thing in the Coleman clan. It just remains to be seen whether winning this particular contest will be a source of pride or not.

Let the games begin, and somebody pass me a beer.

* One of our number (hint: the one named after something in your kitchen) did not choose any teams, so teams were picked for him, without his consent.

** See above.